you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
