gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
