I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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