I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
