it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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