I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
