Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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