What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I believe in your delicious
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
