i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that