Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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