Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
