You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
