I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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