I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
