I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
