hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
