So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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