cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
