I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
