Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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