Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
