Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
