There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
