if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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