do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
