Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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