i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
