bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
