Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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