I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
