i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
