When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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