But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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