we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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