I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
