I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
