id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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