I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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