I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
