is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
