OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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