Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
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Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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