Define "chronic" masturbator.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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