come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
