you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
