I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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