Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
