they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
