All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
