is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
