I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
