Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
