I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
