you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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