I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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