Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
