I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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