i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
