Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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