I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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