Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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