if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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