I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
