It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
