He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
