woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
