I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
