I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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