Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
North Korea, Best Korea!
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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