she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
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he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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