I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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