What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
