Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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