Soap is not a condiment
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
