The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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