This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
