are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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